The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
