dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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