yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
