i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So many bounce houses so little time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
