moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
