Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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