Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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