I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
