I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just threw up on my dentist
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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