Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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