So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
