God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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