What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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