just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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