remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
