It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
