I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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