i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
