New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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