New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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