Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
