I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
