Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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