my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
