I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
