That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize