wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
