If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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