i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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