Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
