i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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