So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
