i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
