she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
