the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
