I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
