Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
