don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
