What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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