I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
