Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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