Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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