the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Found the puke drawer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
