wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
