just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
