I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
