Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
