Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
