I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
