I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
