Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
