It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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