Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
