I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
