I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
