I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
