the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
