I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
