kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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