I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
