just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
