I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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