Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
