I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk is not a location!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
