I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
